Dating After Domestic Violence | The ASSET*AmeriCorps Blog

Nida shares some advice on starting a new relationship after experiencing domestic violence, a tricky situation for many SafePlace clients.

During my service term, I?ve noticed something really interesting. Nearly all my clients are in new relationship after getting out of their abusive relationships. Prior to my arrival at SafePlace, I made an assumption that Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault survivors would refuse to be in another relationship after their experience with DV/SA. I was dumbfounded when I found out that many of the clients already are in new relationships.

I praise the survivors for not letting their DV/SA experience hold them back from being in a relationship again. Unfortunately, a fairly high percentage of the survivors experience DV/SA again in their new relationships. In fact, some of them are currently experiencing DV while getting our services at SafePlace, which put our staff in a very sticky and dangerous position.

To help reduce the possibility of being in a DV/SA relationship again, I came up with several tips that I?d like to share. Please keep in mind that I am not a therapist and don?t have a fancy degree or license.

1: Learn who you are. What are your career goals and life goals? What do you see yourself doing in five years? What do you need to do to accomplish your goals?

2: Educate yourself about Domestic Violence and/or Sexual Assault. Learn how to recognize red flags at an earlier phase of the Domestic Violence cycle. Learn how to leave the relationship safety and quickly before it becomes severe.

3: Create a safety plan and make a private bank account. Save at least three months worth of rent and expenses. Money is one of the main reasons why survivors experience DV relationships again. Often, they don?t have anywhere to go and become dependent on the new abusers.

4: Most important of all, learn how to love yourself and accept who you are. DO NOT rely on others, especially a boyfriend/girlfriend, for loving yourself. It?s OKAY to be single and I strongly encourage you to be single for at least a year. You need time to heal and recover from a very serious tragedy. One of the best coping methods is to go see a therapist. SafePlace offers FREE counseling services, and we have one staff member who knows ASL fluently.

If you are uncertain if you are experiencing DV again, you certainly can come to SafePlace and discuss this further. We would be more than happy to assist you with creating a safety plan, budget management, receive DV/SA education, receive therapy services, and many more. You do not deserve to be in a domestic violence relationship, and you definitely don?t deserve to experience it again.

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Team Leader for the ASSET*AmeriCorps program at Easter Seals Community and Housing Services

Source: http://assetamericorps.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/dating-after-domestic-violence/

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